Burglarizationalism
Now we come to proper theft: the sort you can use when adventuring because it's so versatile. Burglary. I'd just like to go off at a tangent first and describe a word that annoys the shit out of me. Burglarize. There. I've said it. It's not a word, people. The verb in its infinitive form is 'to burgle'. The one who burgles is a burglar. The practice of burgling is called burglary. If the verb was 'to burglarize' then the practice of burglarising a place would be burglarization. And the person who practices burglarization would be a burglarizationalist. And do we want to live in a world where 'burglarizationalism' is a word?
I sure as hell don't.
Now we've cleared that up, what does burglary involve? Besides taking without the owner's consent, there's also a healthy dose of breaking and entering. It's perhaps the most dangerous form of theft there is, since you'll be going deep into enemy territory and no matter how well you plan your crime you can never be completely sure of what you'll come across. Would you be surprised to learn that there are two types of burglar? Of course there are; the sort who know what they're doing and the sort who couldn't find their arse with both hands, an atlas, a compass and a copy of Jane's All The World's Arses. Let's see if we can tell which is which.
- Raval had been casing the joint for a good two weeks. He knew where the guards went on their patrols, how often they patrolled, how quickly they did it. He knew the Temple of Shabadoo inside-out: every entrance, every exit, and the location of his quarry, the mystic gem of Bangshangalanglang. With extreme caution, he crept into the building, taking half an hour to do so. Not a single footstep or shadow was wasted. He knew what sounds would disguise his movements and, with well-practiced skill, stole into the temple. Evading the traps, he escaped an hour later with the gem carefully stowed away in a velvet pouch and the satisfaction of a burglary well executed.
- Jibble saw the temple and, having a nose around, he noticed that it was, like, full of gold and junk. Producing a big sack with the word SWAG written on it, he promptly loaded up as soon as he thought no-one was watching and promptly legged it. He got a full two yards away from the temple before collapsing from exhaustion. The temple guards discharged their heavy repeating crossbows into the back of his head from a distance of three feet, leaving a funny stain where his cerebellum used to be.
Burglars might initially be seen as urban characters, but in truth their stomping grounds can vary widely. The best burglars are prepared to travel a bit to get the treasure they seek, and as such might be found in a temple in the capital city, or in a merchant's townhouse, or even in a castle out on the moors. Some of them even hook up with adventuring parties of all things. No accounting for some thieves' tastes.
Of all the thieves outlined in this article, burglars are probably the ones who are least bothered by those annoying bloody moral problems. When in doubt, a good-aligned burglar can just say he's using stealth to achieve good ends and do a Bilbo Baggins. In this case they're not stealing per se, just reclaiming stolen goods for their rightful owners, or temporarily taking such items as a means of manipulating their owners into doing the right thing if that's the only conceivable way of getting them back. The classic example of this is The Hobbit, and the whole business with the Arkenstone. For another good-natured burglar who is unashamedly larcenous, look no further than the Stainless Steel Rat, Slippery Jim DiGriz.
Of course, you get your complete bastards too. Evil burglars, or, as they should be named, 'excess treasure removal units' make ideal enemies. They don't need to do much: just break into the stronghold, slip past defences and then all sorts of tricks can be played. PCs have too much treasure? Let the burglar help himself. PCs need taking down a peg or two? Leave a few hints that the burglar could have knifed them in their sleep. Big arch-villain looking to stitch the PCs up rotten? Have the burglar leave some incriminating evidence in their rooms. The possibilities are endless. Of course, the PCs can try this stuff too. And why not let them have a go? It's a welcome change from smacking the orc until he drops...
No surprises for guessing which class makes the best burglar. It's the rogue. The job requires a lot of different skills and only the rogue really has what it takes to pull it off. A suitably intelligent ranger or bard might just be able to cut it, but if you want the job done properly, get a rogue. As far as races go, humans and halflings are your best bet, but there's no reason why any race can't have a go and do well! Now, concerning the skills a decent burglar will need:
- Appraise is a must. A burglar has to be selective about the treasure she takes unless she has a portable hole or some other magical storage device. Which is worth more? The gold necklace or the sapphire? Appraise it and get on with your work..
- Burglary might be a crime which involves a minimum of human contact, but ignore the Bluff skill at your peril! It has two main uses. First of all, fast-talking guards if you're caught — have you noticed how all thieves need this skill? — but more importantly, Bluff can be used to create a momentary distraction while you find somewhere to hide. If you don't have the ability to hide in plain sight, make sure you can divert your enemies' attention!
- Climb is one of the old-fashioned thief skills. Who, back in the days of 1st and 2nd edition AD&D didn't pump percentage points into their Climb Walls skill? When you break into and enter a building, chances are you're not going to go through the front door. There might be a window up on the second floor around the back that isn't watched, though. Can you reach it?
- Disable Device is a necessary skill for an infiltrator -- and another part of thieving things in an old-school way. Rich people take a lot of precautions against burglars, but these tend to be limited to extra guards and traps. There is no excuse for not taking this skill at all. (Jibble's instincts were right; the corridor was trapped. One false move could set it off and he'd end up with a fireball up the jacksy. Then it occurred to him -- he hadn't the faintest idea how to disarm traps! And this it was that Jibble began his new career as a scorch-mark…)
- Hide is essential to the art of infiltration. Chances are that, when turning a house over for its treasure, you won't be in a position where you can waste all the guards. Stay out of trouble at all costs and keep to the shadows! The Stealthy feat is a good choice; you'll need every edge you can get.
- Listen is the most important early-warning system a burglar can have. Most of the work a burglar will do is in the dark -- not ideal conditions for making Spot checks. And would you believe it? Detect Noise is one of the thief skills from the earlier editions of AD&D. Who woulda thunk it?
- Open Lock -- the list of old edition thief skills gets longer and longer, doesn't it? Imagine what could happen if you don't have any skill at picking locks -- you've broken into the house through the open window, sneaked through the corridors and found the door to the treasury. A vast, iron portal. Then, horror of horrors you discover that some suspicious bastard has gone and locked it! Slippery Jim always kept a spare lockpick concealed in the heel of his boot. Learn from his example.
- Move Silently is absolutely vital to the success of a burglary. Your every footstep could give you away to the guards, the owner of the house, the guard-dogs. Don't make a sound! Stealth is absolutely vital. Like Hide and so many of the other skills in this list, it's a part of the old-fashioned thieving package, which is what you do best.
- Search is another of the must-have skills. Where's the loot? Where's the trap? Where's the secret door? Where did you spend all those skill points if you didn't max out the Search skill like you should have done?
Burglars are, as you might have guessed, ideal adventurers. They've got a wide variety of skills that can be used in a variety of settings. Since raiding an enemy's dungeon is burglary of a kind, you're better off getting a burglar to help you.
The burglar's personality can vary, but the overall defining trait is caution. All the best burglars are meticulously careful and methodical. Avoid combat where you can -- it's an unnecessary complication. Work out ways around it. Don't rush into anything. Don't let on to others what you're doing unless they're involved. Take nothing on trust and always, always have an escape-route.