6. The Talk
So you can walk the walk? Great! I knew you had it in you. Now, it's time to talk the talk. Consider your mode of speech. Do you affect an olde-worlde, Shakespearian accent? Then make sure you've got it straight. It's 'thou shalt' and 'thou hast', 'thy soul is forfeit, ay, and thine and thine' and so on. Read up on nominative, accusative-dative and genitive cases before hand. Remember that 'thou' is often used to address inferiors with the exception of your dark god, while 'you' is addressed to equals and superiors. If you don't think you can remember all that, it's probably best to keep things simple.
As for the actual things you say, villain-speak can be broken down into four categories: cursing, vowing revenge, invoking dark powers and small talk.
Cursing
Minions need to be berated, rivals need to be insulted; if you don't have something nasty to say it's usually best not to say it. Generally speaking it's best to keep your insults simple; boil it down to a one-word epithet. 'Fool!', 'Weakling!', 'Cretin!', 'Imbecile!', 'Coward!' and 'Idiot!' are all good stock phrases to have at your fingertips. If you want to get onto the harder stuff, then try 'Ignoramus!' on for size. 'Caitiff!' is a good one, as is 'Varlet!' but make sure you know what your words mean before you use them. Villains are meant to be clever, or at the very least know what the big words they use actually mean. For the record, a caitiff is a despicable coward or wretch, a varlet is a rascal or knave, and a varmint is an obnoxious or troublesome person.
A word of advice, though: don't say 'Nincompoop'. No villain worth his salt ever says 'nincompoop'.
Vowing Revenge
Defeat is inevitable at some point, but the upside to being defeated is that it means you get to revenge yourself. Make sure the heroes know it. Try the following on for size:
The world shall hear from me again!
I shall return!
You shall live to regret this!
You'll rue the day you crossed me!
By the
<adjective> <noun>of<proper noun>, I shall be avenged!You made a grave mistake. Cherish it, for as
<name of Dark God>is my witness, it shall be your last!
Make up a few of your own and practice them in front of the mirror. Remember, the more exclamation marks on the end, the madder you'll sound!
Invoking Dark Powers
Everyone knows that the worst villains are in league with the forces of darkness. Even if you aren't, or don't want to make contact with those beings, invoke the name of a dark god at every opportunity. Make one up if you don't know any, or keep your invocation general. Try appealing to the Ancient Spirits of Evil, or the Beings That Dwelleth in Shadows Deep. Try to contemporise, too – if there's a prevalent religion in the area, invoke the powers most abhorrent to it. It's important for the heroes to know that your crimes are without number and your villainy is without end. Your every word should be a blasphemy.
Small Talk
Even villains have to make conversation, and when talking it's still necessary to inspire fear. When in doubt, wear a calculating expression on your face and feign interest. Play the part of the inquisitor; make the other person afraid to speak to you lest you call upon him to elaborate while in the torture chamber. Use figures of speech such as Indeed?
or Your opinion is most... interesting. I should enjoy discussing it with you at some later date.
Call your henchman over for a whispered instruction and look meaningfully at the person with whom you are conversing.