Butchery
If you intend to roast your hobbit on the spit, ignore this stage.
Make sure your carcass is cold before you butcher it. If you intend to carve the hobbit up with a band saw, you could end up making a right mess of it if it's still warm.
First things first: take off the head. This should be fairly easy. A few seconds' work with the knife at most. Save it for later or dispose of it, as you please. You could serve it up just like a boar's head with an apple in its mouth, or alternatively salvage whatever bits are tastiest: ears and jowls in particular.
Then, start making the primal cuts. These can be accomplished with a band saw, if you wish to get them out of the way quickly. Separate the shoulders from the backbone. Remove the legs. How much of the belly you take off determines how much meat you want left on the spare ribs. If you fancy hobbit bacon -- and who doesn't? -- just go right ahead and cut the belly off. Leave the skin on, as bacon is often tastier when it has a bit of rind on. Still, your primal cuts should now be done -- leaving you with arms, legs, loins, bellies and a head. Onto the secondary cuts!
The first thing you'll notice about the meat is how much of it there is. At this stage a bit of finer work with the blades is called for. Each limb can make at least three cuts: separate them at the joints. Again, leave the skin on as this makes the meat last a little longer, and is necessary for crackling. Debone each joint if you wish, or leave the bones in. It's entirely up to you.
A whole hobbit carcass gives you a plethora of options, and I couldn't possibly detail them all here. Chops, ribs, joints; there's all manner of cuts and that's before we go anywhere near the fats and lards. With that in mind let's assume you've picked a joint to roast and get right to the point of this article: How to Roast a Hobbit.
Roasting
There are two techniques I intend to discuss here: roasting on the spit or in the oven. Each has its own advantages and drawbacks. First, however, use a sharp knife to cut diamond patterns in its skin. Rub with oil and salt to ensure good crackling. You may wish to use herbs and spices at this stage. Sage is a good choice, as is thyme, pepper and paprika.
Spit-roasting
There is nothing like the sight of a freshly-slaughtered halfling roasting on the spit, turning slowly, to get the mouth watering. It makes an ideal centrepiece for a feast. The scent has to be smelled to be believed; the aroma adds a heady note to the atmosphere of any party, pageant or festival. However, you do need space to set the spit up, and it is rather labour-intensive. A 150-lb hog needs roughly nine hours to roast... so assuming the halfling weighs roughly 80 lbs after evisceration, you'll need a good five hours. Spit the hobbit from rear to mouth on a stout metal spike. Wrapping it in chickenwire helps keep the carcass together. Suspend the whole thing over a charcoal fire, and turn slowly, basting constantly with sauces of your choice. Beer and cider work quite well.
Oven Roasting
Simply roasting a hobbit joint in the oven seems like a bit of a climb-down after that spectacle, but you may wish to make the meat last longer, or you may simply not have the space or the opportunity to do something quite so spectacular. Preheat your oven to 240°C (475°F), and roast for 25 minutes, and then back the temperature off to 190°C (375°F) and cook for 35 minutes per pound. Serve with roast potatoes, carrots, parsnips or any other roasted roots or tubers. Lovely.
References
- John J. Mettler Jr., Basic Butchering of Livestock & Game, Storey Publishing.
- Maltose Falcons Home Brewing Society, Spitted Fire Roasted Pig.
- Michael Moorcock, Q&A Archive, Archive Article #521.
- Delia Smith, Roast Pork with Crackling, BBC Recipe Database.
- Tanith Tyrr, Pig Processing FAQ.