What should I say if I get caught?
Well, you shouldn't have got caught, should you, you silly bugger?
Okay, stop looking at me like that. There are a few things you can say when frantically rolling your Bluff check. Here are some examples:
Looting bodies? I'll have you take those words back, Sir! These goods are mine by right of conquest! I fought him in single combat, and his life and arms are forfeit!
Good old right of conquest. The only way paladins, cavaliers and the other lawful-good honourable types can claim goods without looking like sneaky little bastards is to win them fair and square. Be sure to look affronted, and shocked that anyone should accuse you of something so base, venal and downright cowardly as looting bodies. If it works, be sure that the guy's out of earshot before you mutter 'sucker' under your breath. And don't titter!
And remember, right of conquest probably doesn't extend to his teeth.
Looting bodies, Officer? Well, you might call it that, Sir, but it's salvage, Sir, for 'is Lordship. It's a dirty job but somebody's got to do it and make sure his Lordship doesn't lose walu'ble weapons 'n' armour and I'm only a 'umble peasant what knows 'is place!
Lay it on thick. Get down and grovel; really lick boot. You're not scavenging, you're salvaging. There's an important difference: you're doing it for His Nibs, and you're only trying to make a living, it's not as if you get more than a copper piece a day and all the kicks you can dodge, is it? The downside is that this excuse can lead to you having to surrender your loot, but hey! It's better to lose your money than your head, right? Remember: no amount of gold is worth more than your own skin.
Johnny! Speak to me, Johnny! Why won't you speak to me? Don't worry, Johnny, I'm gonna get the bastards who did this to you! Johnny! JOHNNY! JOHNNY!!!
Make sure you're saying this to the corpse, not the guy who asked you what you're doing. Hold the corpse's hand if need be. Turn on the waterworks, and by this I mean start sobbing. Not the other waterworks. Dirty little puppy!
The aim here is to make it look like you're a close friend or relative of the deceased. Be sure to make up a story about how you're going to return the deceased's ring to his wife. Just mind how you go, right?
His sweetheart doesn't have much to remember him by. I thought I'd bring her back this ring. And his boots. And his teeth.
New Magic Items
Obviously, this article isn't aimed at any characters who intend to become immortal through word and deed, but rather at those who wish to become immortal by not getting killed. Fair enough. Where you'll get this item from is quite beyond me, but who am I to ask?
Lens of Evaluation: This monocle allows a character who wears it to identify valuable items more easily. Whoever wears it receives a +5 circumstance bonus to Appraise checks.
Faint transmutation; CL 5th; Craft Wondrous Item, creator must have 5 ranks in the Appraise skill; Price 2,500 gp; Weight: -.