Okay, so you've been adventuring for a good few years. You probably have a diverse collection of items too. Where did you get them from? You might have made some of them. Who knows? You could even have bought some with your own money!
Bollocks! You stole them. You know you did: you saw some sap whose face you didn't like, smacked him on the head until he stopped struggling and then proceeded to go through his pockets, lifting anything that looked pretty. There's not a single man Jack (or woman Jill) among you who hasn't looted a body at some point or other.
This article is a guide to looting dead bodies, whether they lie on battlefields, or in dungeons, or even if you found one lying in the street. It's a gruesome job, but somebody has to do it. Or rather somebody feels like making an easy buck. It's a lucrative line of work, if you know what to lift and where to go.
Class
If you want to be a truly efficient body-looter, there's only one class in the d20 system you should consider taking: the rogue. They get 8 skill points + Intelligence bonus + a possible racial bonus per level. Trust me, you're going to need them all. You could get away with being a bard -- they're good at talking their way out of trouble. As for paladins? Forget it. You really shouldn't be reading this article.
Skills
There a lot of skills in the book, but which ones are best for looting? Here are the ones you'll need.
- Appraise
- As the title of this article asks,
are those gold teeth?
Well? Are they? Without some knowledge of appraisal, your character will have to rely on assayers, bent jewellers and accomplices. All of whom are probably about as trustworthy as you are (i.e. not at all!) and may even demand payment for looking at items. If you want to get a decent price for your scroungings, make sure you have a good idea of what they're worth. - Bluff
- Looting bodies can get you into a lot of trouble. If you're indulging in a bit of scavenging work on a battlefield, surviving officers from either side may take you to task. What are you going to do if someone catches you red-handed with a few rings, a pocketful of teeth pried from the jaws of twenty soldiers and a backpack full of boots? Simple! Lie like hell. It's not so much the excuse they need to hear, so much as the speed and confidence with which it's delivered. Elevate your fast-talking skills to Sergeant Bilkoid levels and you'll be quids in.
- Diplomacy
- You might not think you'll need this when most of the people you'll meet are going to be in more than one piece, but think for a moment. You need to get a good price for the junk you sell. You need to make friends, and having a few corrupt friends in the army can't hurt; they might look the other way when they see you pulling a big cart loaded with the boots of an entire regiment. Buy a few ranks in this if you can.
- Gather Information
- Who knows where good loot may be found? Not you, that's for sure. There's no sense whatsoever in waiting around for loot: go out there and find it! Ask a few discreet questions, find out what's happening, and be sure to deduce what you can. Sure, buying drinks for people can be a costly business but think of it as an investment.
- Hide
- Of course, if you're indulging in this rather illicit practice, then chances are you're not going to be so dumb as to carry your stuff openly. You'll need to conceal it on your person, and if you're smart you'll have a few caches and bolt-holes set up. Little nooks and crannies that people aren't likely to explore in too much depth. The Hide skill's not just for yourself, you know!
- Listen
- A good thief needs to stay alert, even if the people from whom he's stealing are dead. Why? Chances are you will be looting in dangerous places. Just because the battle is over doesn't mean that the battlefield has stopped being hazardous.
- Search
- The Search skill's absolutely bloody essential for any number of reasons: vital to your survival in a dungeon, but it's also needed if the body had the foresight to conceal items about his person before he passed away. Before anything, max this skill out.
- Sleight of Hand
- What thief hasn't picked a pocket or two? Well, probably a few more these days thanks to thieves being renamed rogues and being encouraged to learn different tricks. Frankly, thieves ain't what they used to be: in my day they taught 'em something useful -- but I digress.
- Sleight of Hand is useful for three reasons. Firstly, it allows you to remove choice items from people who haven't had the good sense to fall over stone dead. Secondly, it allows you to palm off small items of incriminating evidence onto potential rivals and enemies. Is somebody about to lock you up for having a ring in your possession that you really ought not to have? Slip it into the guard's and accuse him of fitting you up!
- The other reason for having Sleight of Hand is similar to the reason for having the Hide skill. If you're caught in the act and don't have an excuse handy (for shame!) be sure to conceal it. The quickness of the hand can deceive the eye, and if they don't see you with the evidence, they can't blame you for anything. Well, they can try, but you really ought to have what it takes to wriggle out of that, surely!
- Spot
- Any thief worth his salt keeps his eyes and ears open. Spot is indispensable since it helps you spot unconsidered trifles, from the tell-tale glint of metal at a distance that might suggest that your mark has a gold ring to the squad of watchmen, bailiffs or other lawmen intent on finding wrongdoers.
- Search
- The Search skill's absolutely bloody essential for any number of reasons. It's vital to your survival in a dungeon, but it's also needed if the body had the foresight to conceal items about his person before he passed away. Before anything, max this skill out.