Gridrunner++

Let's get the clichés out of the way first. It's like Centipede on crack. Galaga on acid. Space Invaders on PCP. There. We've run through the obligatory classic game / drug references, so let's actually get on with reviewing the game on its own merits.

X-Y Gun
Argh! The X-Y Gun!

Gridrunner++ is the most recent game in the series of Gridrunner games from Jeff Minter, who you might know from Sheep in Space, Llamatron and Tempest 2000. If you're modern, you might know him from his work on Neon, the lightsynth on the Xbox 360. There are certain things one might expect.

Blinding gameplay? Check.
Trippy visuals? Check.
Ungulates? Check.
Shooty? Check. Check. Check.

This game is shamelessly fast and furious. Lines of aliens or 'snakes' curl in from all angles. If you shoot them they leave behind pod lasers which fire in all directions if left unattended, turning huge swathes of the screen into no-go areas. Then there's the X-Y gun: what a bastard that is! Deadly beams tear across the screen and if you don't stay on the move, it'll zap you up the arse sharpish.

Eat Sheepiezapper, you bastards! GYAHAHAHAHA!

In later levels bombers fly across the screen, dropping strings of those effing pod lasers. It can get pretty damn hectic. Stick with it, though; the game's learning curve isn't as steep as it seems and there are some tricks you can learn to help you survive those extra few seconds.

The X-Y Gun's targeting cursor drifts around the screen and is easy enough to avoid when you get the hang of it. Flashes of colour warn you of approaching snakes. The only sensible gunning tactic is to keep blazing away and the game does that for you: auto-fire is always on. The only time you'll need to click a single button is to activate your ship's emergency weapon: the Sheepiezapper. Click the right mouse button and a bolt of lightning darts from your ship, striking each enemy in turn until it runs out of juice.

Sheepies drop down from the top of the screen, announced by a gentle bleat. Pick 'em up and said ovines will follow your ship, giving you front and rear firing. Goat help you, you'll need it. Those snakes come in at you from all directions, and their bombs can smack you from behind, causing more anal upset than a barbed suppository.

The more sheepies you have, the higher your score multiplier and the longer your Sheepiezapper lasts. Get ten and a huge sheepie head called 'the Pill' appears on the screen and swoops around, dispatching snakes at close quarters. Shoot it and it'll sprout an X-Y Gun of its own, harmless to you but lethal to the snakes. Just call me badass! declares the game and, well, you have to believe it.